it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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