I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
