you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
All the doctor said was why
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
