I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
