I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize