So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
