his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
