I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
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