there's paper in my vomit.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
