Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
So much Jack, so little girl.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
