if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
