You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
