I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
