the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
