So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
