There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
they need to just BURY HIM!
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Randomize