I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
