Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
