I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
