I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
