I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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