I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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