morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
