party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
