i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
