My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I have surprise drugs for everyone
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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