I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize