That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
