just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
