i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize