You made me cry and you don't even care
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
It's shark week go big or go home
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
