It's Friday. Sex?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
