that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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