yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
This is my life. Enjoy the view
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
