I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
