Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
