am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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