just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
