I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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