Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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