Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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