Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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