I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
