did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
