Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize