I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
