If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Randomize
