know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
