Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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