I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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