yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize