He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I just found puke in my bra..
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
