Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
