i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
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