I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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