My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
