if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
