this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
i think im in europe. pls send help
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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