Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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