There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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