so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
