once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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