Pappa wants mamma naked
Can Purell be used as lube?
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
