The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Randomize
