Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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