Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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