The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
