planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I love you. Go after that dick
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
