do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
