people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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