I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
