Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
