Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
