Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
