:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
