He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
