Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
