So drunk its hurt
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
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