It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
