I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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