shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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