before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize
