you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
