a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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