i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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