the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
