Have you finally orgasmed yet?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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