he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
