Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
