Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Randomize
