Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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