So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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