If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
