is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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