My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
