I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
