Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
