i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
