I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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