It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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