my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
