But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize