Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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